Goodbye 2021

It’s the final day of 2021 and yet, I have not done much writing as I planned to. But then again, what’s new. Although 2021 is zooming by without a care in the world, quite a lot of things have marked its spot in my book. Honestly, I don’t know what I have done for this year. Everything is a blur to me. All I remember is just constantly trapped in a dark abyss of numbness and ruins.

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It’s officially January of 2021. Consistency is never in my vocabulary no matter how hard I try to engrave it into my thick skull. I uploaded my previous post with the intention of wanting to write more often and finally get to jotting down the details of the events that happened in 2019 & 2020 but…well, as you can see, here we are – about 10 months later.

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Day 83 of 366

My last entry was on the final day of 2019 and now I finally managed to press that “Publish” button in March 2020, a week away from April. So many things have happened, and I honestly don’t know where to even begin. I have yet to pen down my VA Camp, our company trip to SG, Melbourne Trip, friends’ weddings, our house being renovated, the birth of my niece (still cannot wrap my head around the fact that Ikah actually made a human being), the passing of my aunt (Aunty Zah) and now, the very famous Covid-19 pandemic. I planned to post some sort of content In January but the feeling of wanting to do nothing overcame everything else, hence here we are – 3 months later.

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Page 365 of 365

In just a few hours, we’ll be welcoming the year 2020. I’m currently still in my office because this year, I’m celebrating the new year with my co-workers, alongside Asha & her sister (Along). The initial plan was just having dinner at MyTOWN and later go up to Level 7 parking to see the fireworks display from the malls nearby with Asha & Along. However, my co-workers decided to do a BBQ session to welcome the new year and they wanted me join as well. Hence, how it ended up with me joining them and bringing along the girls.

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Why is it so hard to write? I’ve written before and sometimes more often than I’d like.
So, why is it now that is has become an arduous task for me?
I went places, did some things, lost a loved one, got into a conflict, fell on my knees
I wanted to vent, to write, to let it out but only an empty page would greet me
Is this permanent or is this temporary?

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I think I’m losing it. I haven’t had any proper sleep in 4 nights and my mind is getting hazier by the second. I keep finding new bruises and cuts on my body that I have no idea how they managed to pop up. I don’t really care if I have the scars but sometimes it annoys me because I have no clue of how they appeared. On another note, I came to work recently and spent the whole day giggling for no apparent reason – like a drunkard. Even my colleague told me that I reminded her of how she is whenever she gets drunk. I honestly need a good sleep before I start to really lose my marbles.

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“Don’t ever give up. Even though, it may not seem like it, but your journey hasn’t ended yet. There is something beautiful up ahead and if you just keep walking and fighting then you will find your treasure. Remember, He will not test you if He does not believe you can handle it. So, if He believes in you and we believe in you, all that’s left is for you to believe in yourself.

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